::Fairy On The Moon::

.+++==+++++++ You need to get a grip+++_-__==++++====____=++

truth is... i don't mean to hurt you
oh but you know me!! How brutally frank...and straightfoward i am..i can't help it. I would tell you something positive but i would only be lying..yes i know. sometimes its good to withhold the truth..but wad can i do now its all been said and done?

i rather your frends have rebuked me and told me of to my face
i rather them yell at me..if they felt i had done you such a great wrong
for true friends will stand up for each other if one has been wronged...and thats what true friendship is about is it not? But if your friends just stood and laughed, and nodded their heads and agreed..even if in their hearts they felt it was injustice to u..then r they still your true frends? then they r nothing more then hypocrites. then i rather be brutally cuttingly honest, then to live buried in the shadow of lies

it hurts that they misunderstood my intentions
i was just giving a frank opinion..is that wrong? if someone asked me do i have to lie? it was just my personal view..is that fair enough no? even if i said something..but thats just how i feel..and i alone..and it does not make it a fact. FOr example even if i thought you were a bad person..it does not make it a fact right? Its just that i can't help the way i think. i have been trying and trying but i can't seem to shake of that feeling. its making me guilty..and i wonder why?

you need to learn to stop being so paranoid
u need to learn to stop blaming me for everything that goes on in ur life
and above all you need to learn to truly mean it when you say.. "i need to talk to you.." what is the use of talking to me and asking me all these questions when you don't even want to hear my answers? since you have already constructed ur own answers inside your heart..and ur opinions are like earwax..covering ur ears..what is the point of talking to me when you dont even listen? frankly..u r wasting both our time

truth is i don't deny that i do feel uneasy around you..u make me uncomfortable..like a reptile snaking through my clothes..and i can feel its scales on my skin. Yes. its the same kind of feeling with you around. I can't help it..ive tried to fight it..and tried to make myself like you more..but then when i see you...i just feel as though slices of ice are falling down my spine. its a very awkward kind of feeling. ..and then my stomach starts to churn..and spin..very much like the laundry machines u see.. its a bad feeling. no matter what happens , its reached a stage where these feelings r very much unsalvagable..yes i pray abt it all the time.. All the time! u noe..that someday..that churning feeling will go away..but i don't tink its happening in the near future. But its not ur fault. its just me. its just in my mind. .. when i finally work out how the mysterious labyrinth of my mind works..then ill tell you.but until then..i guess this is how it is. Sorry.

its just that wen i see you
wen u come nearer..warning bells go off in my mind..and the sound is so jarring and discordant that the only way to shut it out is to run. ...when i see you..my legs seem to be programmed to go in the other direction, its like someone else has taken over my body and i have no control over my own bodily functions

*shrugs*

don' t think i don't feel bad..coz i feel alot like hell..u noe..like when u wake up and its 2pm..and u realised u just missed the most impt math exam of ur life. Yeah. that kinda feeling. then a voice in ur mind ( quite unlike your own) starts to whimper :" please mr hitler..won't you not take me to the german concentration camp with you..anywhere but here sir.."

..you realise that ur current existence is ....not really existent after all..

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/05/2004

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

"long has paled that sunny sky:
echoes fade and memories die.
Autumn frosts have slain July.."

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/03/2004

its been so long. haha..im a lazy blogger..i admit it..doubt anyone really looks at these pages too often anyway..but these thoughts keep flitting around the fringes of my mind..and i think the only way to get them under cover is really to write them down.

thoughts recently..

finally...revelation hits home..and i feel a sense of relief from certain pent up emotions...i realised that it dosent bother me anymore, how i am much so often misunderstood..and sometimes there aint a need to justify anymore, coz thats just life. No matter wad u do..there will be still a few who will misunderstand your actions and intentions, and thats really ok, because as long as your concience is clear, and you know the truth in your heart, it dosent matter anymore, the lies that surround you. You become a happier person because you are finally freed from the shackles of lies..and you are no longer a prisoner of your own fears, but by letting go, you become so much stronger..and so much more untouchable. Words can't pierce you anymore, because the truth in your heart will make you a shield. :)

my dear B..
i understand why things have to be this way now. And im not the same Dawn i used to be anymore. everything has its time and seasons, and when certain seasons end...then it ends. everything has its time and place. A beginning and an end..we won't understand the reasons as yet..but someday maybe we will. And from winter to summer..everything will find its season..The skies won't remain grey forever, but there will be a time for it..to be bright and yellow.. And i don't blame you at all. Once a void was filled with bitterness..but now in place is a sense of peace which is the most beautiful and incredible feeling ever. Often i wished i could turn back the hands of time, and try to find a way to stop certain things from happening..but now i understand tt even if i did..everything would still turn out the same way. that nothing would change. We can't stop these from happening. The winds that blow us to this certain direction. I fought it bitterly like an insect caught in a spider's web..the only consequence was got even more tangles up then ever..like my emotions. Then when i finally learn to stop questioning..i finally saw peace at last...

dear A..
if you ever see this
im so glad..im so glad..at the end..we are still standing firm. I must be the luckiest girl alive.

often i would be disgruntled and unhappy with certain aspects of life
but now i realise that adversity has made me see who my true allies are..and i am so thankful, that this troubles have unravelled the blindfolds from my eyes..

peter pan is the most delightful movie ever
it is so sweet..so sweet..and so sweet...its almost diabetes inducing..but it is just so so so so so so swet! damn! its a must catch movie! I don't think it was lame at all..its a movie trying to appear childish..but actually so subtly laced with adult themes..though i think the romance between wendy and peter pan was abit overdone..and totally inundated the main point..but it was still a brilliant attempt..certain underdeveloped themes..but still good...very good..the clock symbolism was really good..spoke to me! haha..i went in with a cynical heart but came up wanting to buy the VCD! a must watch for all!!!!!!

went out with kenneth and Ky yesterdae
i think Ns really changes people..we had a most "exciting day" yesterdae in kenneth's own words..yes no thanks to Ky's foiled attempts..to erm..WELL...haiz..im SOOOOOO glad we got away with it! im especially amused with kenneth's very "good taste " in the opposite sex! argh..is NS sucha depriving experience? anywae...i think kenneth always likes a "certain type of girl"..wahahhaha...gee..some things don't change after all!!!!! and im even more shocked and amused that Ky is actually the "chi qing" sort..im kinda impressed...tt u maintain the same feelings for her after so long! very impressive indeed..but if u don't make the first move and keep kinda hanging arnd the sidelines..NOTHING IS EVER GONNA HAPPEN! wads a guy gotta to lose man! just get out there and DO SOMETHING!!! If u don't ever GET OVER ur fear..then u dont get ur object of desire. fair enuff rite? well guys..thanks for the eventful day yesterdae..we need to co-ordinate properly according to kenneth's own words..i think after yesterdae..nothing will surprise me ever again! haha..im totaly IMMUNE!!!! ( i don't know if this is a good or bad thing..) haha..

tip to all guys out there " practice chivalry..it will get you everywhere!!!!!!!!!

hear that???? haha...

dawn fairy on the moon at 2/03/2004